


S4E6: Bread Bank (No Gluten)

by 16_starz



Category: Baku (Web Series), Henry Stickmin Series (Video Games)
Genre: Bread, Can't Have Shit in Detroit, Crack, Crack Crossover, Crack Treated Seriously, Crossover, Gen, Henry uses he/they!, I Can't Believe I Wrote This, Memes, This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things, bread bank, shitpost, shits and giggles
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-12
Updated: 2020-09-12
Packaged: 2021-03-06 20:54:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,115
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26415250
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/16_starz/pseuds/16_starz
Summary: Henry's trying to get some bread at the bread bank, but it's got gluten in it. But it's gluten-free. Hubert and Charles probably fed tf up by now. No gluten. Tf is gluten.
Relationships: Charles Calvin & Henry Stickmin, Charles Calvin & Hubert Galeforce, Ellie Rose & Henry Stickmin (mentioned), Hubert Galeforce & Henry Stickmin
Comments: 7
Kudos: 29





	S4E6: Bread Bank (No Gluten)

**Author's Note:**

> hey! i wrote another one of these! this is gonna be a trend from me, huh?  
> once again _heavily_ inspired by the Baku series. here's the episode this fic came from: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F6hC4qQbDzI  
> this one isn't age-restriced, so i won't link a soundcloud link this time  
> if you enjoy this (for _some_ reason) why don't you give some kudos and drop a comment? i like interacting with people!

“Welcome to the Bread Bank,” Bread Bank employee Charles greeted the tall customer looming just right outside the entrance, a small smile on his face. Sales have been pretty low at the Bread Bank, and his manager, Hubert, has told him that he should try and rope more customers in. This person seemed to wander in out of curiosity, but that’s better than avoiding the whole place in general.

The “customer,” named Henry, just squinted at the employee suspiciously. Why was he so cheery? This wasn’t normal, since every time Ellie went to pick up the bread for the apartment, she told them that this Charles guy always looked more serious. It could be because the Bread Bank is running low on their regular customers. He shrugged it off, listening to Charles talk.

“We got bread on deck,” Charles motioned at the counter, “bread on the  _ floor. _ ” This was going to get annoying, Henry could tell.

“ **TOASTED,** ” Charles announced loudly, “ ** _ROASTE-_** ”  
“ _Shut the fuck up,_ ” Henry grumbled out. He didn’t know how else to tell this employee to shut his _mouth._ They sighed, and placed their order, “Listen, I just need a _baguette_ and a _brioche._ ”

Charles stared at Henry, a dumbfounded look in his eyes. “We don't have _either_ of those,” he explained, watching Henry knit their eyebrows together, “you can get the gluten free white bread or the potato bread-”  
“What the fuck is a gluten?” Henry interrupted the poor cashier, their shoulders bunched up, “Take that shit _out._ ”

“It’s gluten free-”

“I don’t  **_CARE_ ** if it’s free-”

“Swear on your fucking  **_YEEZYS_ ** ,” Charles let his palm hit his face. How stupid can some people be? “If you wanna fight _ ,  _ we gonna  _ fight. _ ” He commented, adjusting his red headset. He turned his mic up with a  _ click,  _ having it point straight up.

Henry’s shoulders rested, and he stuck his hand in the front pocket of his pants. “What, you tryna be on  **WorldStar** ?” they asked, a mockery in his tone. This caused the employee behind the counter to exhale out of his nose.

Hastily, Charles got back on his feet, spitting a smartass response back, “What, you gon’ record it?”

“Ye,” Henry answered quickly, digging in his pocket, “I got my dollar store camera,  _ on. _ ” Sure enough, the tall man whipped out a disposable camera from their pocket. Henry wasn’t lying about the camera. Charles smirked, and swung himself over the counter. Henry was setting the camera up, and he felt the Bread Bank employee glaring at them. It was not the most comfortable thing in the world; he began to feel paranoid. What if this Charles guy gets the jump on them first? As soon as Henry finished setting the camera up, he frantically hit the record button, spun on his heels, and turned to face Charles. As soon as the two of them were going to start fighting, a commanding voice cut through the room.

“What’s the fucking sit _ uaaaaa _ tion?”

“What, the  _ fuck,  _ do you  _ want? _ ” Henry rolled their eyes, turning his attention to see an older looking man with his hands on his hips. He had a gray beard that ended just above his torso. It was filled with stray bread crumbs.  _ Gross.  _ The name tag attached to his apron read out “HUBERT.”

Hubert’s eyebrows furrowed for a split second, before he introduced himself, “I’m the motherfucking  **_manager._ ** ” Charles pulled his curled fists down to his sides, and let his hands rest flat at his sides. Henry followed suit; they kept their fists balled.

“At the bread store?” Henry asked.

“ **_B R E A D !_ ** ” was all that Hubert’s response was. Henry shrugged; whatever works for this old geezer. Then they realized he could ask about the gluten in the bread. Maybe this old geezer can actually  _ help _ them.

A brief pause, and Henry spoke up again, “Tell him to take the  _ motherfucking  _ gluten,” They pointed at Charles, who was fidgeting with the loose strings on his apron, “ **_OUT THE BREAD._ ** ”

“I’mma need you shut that  **_bullshit_ ** up, chief,” Hubert held his hands up in defense, making a crossing motion as he spoke, “we can’t take  _ shit  _ out the bread.”

“ _Why_ put it in the first place?” They argued, scratching the side of their head as they spoke, “I **_know_** y’all smoking that pack.”  
Hubert’s face had a confused look on it. What is a pack? He quickly pushed that aside, and figured that if Charles got a customer in, he could try and convince him to buy _something._ “We’ve got crackers,” the manager suggested, “no gluten.”

“ **_FUCK_ ** _ crackers. _ ”

“It’s gluten free,” Charles wove himself into the conversation. It’s obvious that he’s starting to grow angry, “you want the gluten or nah?”  
“ _Hell_ no,” Henry turned back to Charles, anger residing in their face, “ **you better take the gluten out that damn shit.** ”

“Look,” Hubert took the reins of the conversation, “we’ve got the whole wheat, gluten free; texas toast, gluten free;  **_TORTILLA-_ ** ”

“ _ Fuck that.  _ What  _ bitchass  _ country are y’all from where they got this  **_bullshit_ ** at?”

“Florida.”

Henry sighed, smacking his forehead with the base of his palm. “I knew it.”

Abruptly, Charles piped up, “Look, you can either take this  **YEAST,** or I’m calling, the  **_POLICE._ ** ”

The tall thief shook their head, “I’m going  **WEAST.** ”

Hubert broke into a sweat, muttering to Charles, “Nah, don’t call the police, I’ve got a warrant-”

“Honestly,  _ fuck y’all, _ ” Henry raised his voice, “I ain’t never seen  _ nobody _ act like this over no  _ bread! _ ”

The manager raised a bushy, gray eyebrow, and questioned, “What the fuck are you saying?” Henry turned their back to the Bread Bank workers. How could the manager be confused about what he said? It was  _ very  _ blunt.

“All I’m saying is: fuck y’alls bread, **_fuck the gluten,_** and **_fuck them crackers!_** ”

“But the crackers don’t have gluten.” Charles mumbled, keeping his gaze at the floor. This made Henry perk up. Wait, they _don’t_ have gluten?  
“I’ll take those,” he corrected himself. Hey, at least he’d be getting something out of here. They turned to look at Charles as he rushed behind the counter and gave him a box of gluten free crackers. Henry took it with his left hand, holding the box from the top.

Charles cracked out a grin, and punched a couple things into the cash register. “Okay,” he huffed out, looking back at Henry, “that’s gonna be five-”

“Nah, fuck that,” they tossed the box back up on the counter, “I ain’t paying.” Henry made his way to the entrance, and slams the door on the way out. It’s a shame he left the dollar store camera there on the table, still recording.

**Author's Note:**

> you made it to the end of yet another one of my frankenstein monsters!  
> consider joining my discord server: https://discord.gg/hJ9qeP6  
> or if you wanna interact with more henry stickmin fans and see me work on other anomalies like this, consider joining the simphat clan server: https://discord.gg/EVrKW7w  
> if you wanna make your own request, send me a message/ask on tumblr: https://sixteen-starz.tumblr.com/  
> anyway, see you on the flip side!


End file.
